So you've been invited to a fancy pants event! Ooh!

Perhaps it's a black-tie ball, a corporate function, the 23rd annual inauguration for centipedes (I hear that they serve the most AMAZING roast potatoes there!) - either way, it's certainly a shindig that packs the 'schmancy' factor, and in the interest of ever eating marshmallows again or eventually visiting Disneyland, you kind of want to survive it.

Well! While much of what I don't know could definitely fill at least six warehouses, I have attended the odd fear-inducing affair and learned a trick or five (even if 98.% of them have been acquired purely through complete foolery in the first place!) in the process. Let's inspect!

#1. Get Professionally Primped & Preened

 Things that are conducive to excellent hair: paying a professional for a blow-dry a day before an important event and smiling contentedly with the knowledge that even if I drop food all over my dress, I will still have excellent hair. Things that are NOT conducive to excellent hair: wrestling with my hair straightener or hair rollers on the morning or eve of said important event, and absolutely. losing. the. plot.

Honestly, even if it sounds appallingly vain, whisking yourself off for a primping and preening session by a professional can make all the difference in how you feel at a fancy pants event! (For example: ''psh, I don't care if that waitress was pretentious. My eyebrows look PHENOMENAL!'')

#2. Bring A Wing Woman/Man/Tortoise

Because hey, someone has to be able to back you up on the fact that you attended an affair for centipedes! That, and because they'll also help you to relax, enjoy yourself and remember that other things exist beside your nerves. Bee-autiful.

#3. If You Know That You're Going To Be Asked About A Particular Topic Or Issue, Prepare An Arsenal Of Answers In Advance

''But how will I know what I'm going to be discussing?!'', you might ask. Answer? Buy a crystal ball. Real answer?! Consider the purpose of your event: is it a convention on muesli bars (really?! Can I come?) and you're attending as Chief Information Dispenser? If 20 oat enthusiasts suddenly bombarded you with questions about why there's only 30% oats in each bar, would you be able to respond to them? Preparing yourself for a particular topic or issue before hand (''why aren't you working?'' ''Why aren't you married?!'' ''Why are we at an OAT convention?!'') and devising answers can be a very useful little conversational tool indeed. 

Sometimes it doesn't matter how articulate you are: tongue-tied-itis can still strike even the most babble-happy of people! (Seriously: I've often been told that I could probably talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles, but this didn't stop me from getting all flustered at The Maxted Thomas Blogger Event while conversing with a company executive. Everything was sailing along nice and smoothly in Conversation Land, until we suddenly hit bumpy waters and I found something difficult to explain, resulting in the extremely eloquent response of ''yeah! Which... is... really... good... because... you know... it's... getting... much... further.'' What?! Does that even sound like English to you?! Don't let this happen to you!)

#4. Have Everything That You Need On Hand In Pocket

Because organisation just makes everything SO much easier. From breath mints to business cards, have everything that you need stored in handy, easy-to-reach-for locations, so that you don't spend three hours fumbling about for lip gloss or handing somebody the completely wrong item! (Which I um, have obviously never done!)

#5. Remember Not To Take Anything Too Seriously

It's an event! You're there to have fun! If it's a total disaster it will be a story to tell and if it's magnificent then it will be an even BETTER story to tell.

♥

A glass of champagne? Multiple good luck charms? How do you survive a fancy pants event when the 'schmancy' factor is cranked to 11?!

xoxo