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Ask A Bloggy Question: How Do You Be Yourself Online? (And Not Get Freaked The Parsnip Out?!) ♥
in I Want... Blogging!29 Sep 2010 | 17 Comments
When I received an e-mail a couple of months ago asking for my advice on parsnip growing (possible lie!), I sent the person in question on their merry way, but when a question landed in my inbox over the weekend regarding blogging and the concerns of having your personality online, I thought ''ooh! Now THIS I can answer!''
Emma (who seems rather lovely and, from what I can tell, has no interest in parsnips) wrote:
''HERE GOES: I want to start a blog, but every time I try to, I get scared. I get weirded out about the idea of other people reading it. How do you get past that? Do you ever? Does it worry you that at any time people you go to school with could read what you're writing and if so, does it change what you want to write about? Maybe I'm overthinking this all but I get so worried about doing something that can stick around on the internet forever.''
Hi Emma!
WELL. Questions, questions!
Firstly - do I have ever have a case of the ''oh my goodness! At any given time, my grandmother/boss/ex-colleague could be reading Frock & Roll''/a slight freak-out? Yes! I've mentioned it before, but writing online can be a very nerve-wracking experience indeed, because it's SUCH a revealing act! There's the way that you subtly (or not so subtly) infuse your opinions into everything that you type! The fact that your sense of humour (or lack of it!)/attitude is exposed for anyone and everyone at any time to see! And then there's that moment where you view your daily website statistics and think (random example) ''huh - I know 30 people. 1,500 people have looked at my page today. Who/where are these people?!'' It's an all-in-one rollercoaster of excitement and terror!
My coping mechanism, flawed or otherwise, is to not analyse it too much. I'm not in school (oh, you!), but I believe that if I honestly DID sit before my keyboard each day and think ''okay! What can I discuss today that will interest/appease ___ and ___ and ___? Monkeys? Baking trays?!'', or thought of 1,500 website hits as 1,500 people sitting before me in a room, that it would not only completely influence my content (in a ''is it too controversial/personal to mention?'' kind of way), but that there would also be a WHOLE lot of tumbleweeds floating around here, and not much blogging. I'd be too paralysed by fear to put together anything!
One of the best pieces of writing advice that I've ever heard (in an ABC documentary with popular sex blogger Abby Lee, no less!) was to craft your posts as though you were conversing with your best friend. Would they censor you?! Don't get bogged down into thinking that you have to be everything to everyone! I mean, if you did, who's blog would it really be? Yours, or someone else's? This can be a tricky line to walk, I know. It's natural to want to be liked and to have your pieces adored, but a big, smack-you-in-the-face realisation that I personally had twelve months ago was that if someone didn't like what or how I wrote online, then it's unlikely that we would gel offline, either. And that's fine! You can't please all of the people all the time!
My suggestion would be to sit down and rip your fears apart. What is that truly scares you? The possibilty that someone - such as one of your teachers - could stumble across your private thoughts? Use an alias! You don't HAVE to publish your real name! Thumping out a post that a year later you might feel 100% differently about or disagree with? Delete it! The fact that other people might discover that you have a passion for writing, and that, *gasp*, you might actually be quite magnificent at it?! Be brave! What a crime it would be to deny yourself of such a fantastic creative outlet because of the (potential) opinions of others! Much like that of a parsnip, life is too short for that!
♥
Do you have any advice for Emma? How do you manage having an online personality without getting freaked the parnsip out about it all?! Do you even LIKE parsnips? (And if you have a bloggy question of your own, how delightful! This could even be a regular feature! Feel free to submit it here!)
xoxo
Comments (17)
I fucking LOVE your blog. That is all. Creepy fangirl moment over >_<
2 Mar 2011, Alexis
I am often maybe a little too honest on my blog, but hey, if people are reading it then great!!
i know people i know read my blog because i post it up on facebook.
my blog gives me an opportunity to be myself and talk about how I feel.
Sometimes I find out people I haven't spoken to in years read my blog, but I don't let it stop me.
I like to think that people who read my blog understand that it's my space to be me.
Charlotte xx
5 Oct 2010, Charlotte, http://www.girlnextdoorfashion.net
I love your suggestions. I use two initials from my name as my 'alias.' I am always worried about those pedofiles and things, but I am getting over it. I'm still new to this, but I moderate all of my comments, so if anything bad happens to show up, I don't have to reveal it to everyone.
2 Oct 2010, AD, http://www.handsewnhearts.blogspot.com
Ahhh thank you for answering my question everybody! :) I'm still a bit weirded out lol but this made me feel better. Thank you so much!! PS. No I don't like parsnips but they made me laugh :D
30 Sep 2010, Emma
I've never used my real name online. When I was younger, I was really freaked
out about strangers knowing my actual name so i've always used a nickname.
I'm less freaked out now, but I still wouldn't put my full real name anywhere
viewable online.
For example, my new blog is two of my nicknames combined.
I don't think I really think about the people that are reading my blog
(that sounds bad... no?) When I'm writing, I don't think about how people will
react. I'm kind of a 'this is me' kinda girl, I write for me. But that's just.. me.
I don't think anyone should really hold themselves back, I believe in writing for
'you'. But not many share that opinion I don't think.
So I understand why she's worried. I mean, I don't think anybody I know in real life
(not many people, my social life is non exsistent) reads my blog so I can't
relate. But I understand where she's coming from.
Corrine, I think you're right when you say 'lifes too short'
& that 'you can't please all of the people all of the time'.
30 Sep 2010, Skye, http://www.mistychaos.blogspot.com
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am thinking about restarting my blog, but I was afraid to do it. Now I think I really will!
30 Sep 2010, D.
My main tip would to have one trusted, mature, reasonable friend who knows about your blog, and if you are having serious doubts, you can talk it over with them.
Other than that, great article!
PS: Even the rabbit that lives in our hedge won't eat parsnips. We've tried to feed them to it.
30 Sep 2010, Rosie, http://rosieunknown.blogspot.com
My best word of advice is to make sure you don't say anything online that you wouldn't want people you know to read! (e.g don't complain about certain people or your job etc etc...even if you think there's no way they would find your blog). Keep it interesting but general! Also, if there is something you must vent about....have a separate personal journal that only a few trusted friends have access to, or password protect certain entires. =)
29 Sep 2010, Melanie, http://www.adorability.org
Firstly, parsnips taste amazing cut into strips and baked/roasted...
Anyhoo...
I use my very generic nickname "Kez". I don't reveal explicitly the name of where I live, the names of my friends (I give them cute nicknames when required) and I censor photos of myself when I need to.
I feel that I can be more free this way. I usually ask myself, "Could I get fired for writing this?"
or
"Would those who really matter to me be OK with me revealing this stuff?"
It can be hard sometimes. There are definitely things I cannot blog about, no matter how much I think it would be the funniest/smartest/most emotional blog post ever. I just keep a private journal for myself so I still feel like I expressed myself.
I had 1 negative experience in the past with a relative who had too much time on her hands...but in the end everything worked out. I became more anonymous and I now feel freeeeee :)
I can now choose WHO I want to tell about my blog - people I trust.
Tip: Start a gmail account specific to your website. That way you can keep your anonymous persona...anonymous! Don't get caught out using your own email account (with your real name) if you don't want to be recognised!
If I wasn't anonymous, I would just stay away from touchy PERSONAL subjects and not write anything my mum would disapprove of (this works for me because my mum is awesome and cluey and I respect her opinion).
29 Sep 2010, Kez, http://www.andsoiwasthinking.wordpress.com
I don't know if my first comment made it but I said that I reel in my vulgarity quite a bit because I swear a lot when I converse with my friends. There's a lot I won't say to the general public because I'm not looking to start discourse.
29 Sep 2010, Rachael, http://www.glassofwin.com
The only struggle I have is how far to go with vulgarity. I'm a very vulgar person when I speak but I reel it in online.
Otherwise, anything I'm not 100% comfortable sharing I don't post.
29 Sep 2010, Rachael, http://www.glassofwin.com
I really didn't understand the term parsnip in this entry... maybe it's a slang thing-y I have never encountered before.
Back to the topic. I think that having an alias, at least at first is a good way to start, look at Zephyr from College Fashion, she started with an alias and qhen she realized that her blog could be turned into a full time business and everyone in her life knew about it anyways, she announced her real name and it even got better than it was.
I think the key is to just stay true to yourself. If you don't want to write then don't write, if you do then go ahead. As long as you feel comfortable with it, after all it is YOUR blog and you should be pleased with it.
29 Sep 2010, Julie, http://juliettemaxwell.com
Wow Corrine, what a beautiful post! Thank you so much for your insights as always :)
As for me, I have figured out that I write my blog for people like me to enjoy and identify with. I don't know how to judge what people who are not like me would care about - I can guess but I would probably be wrong - so I just write about what I want to write about and hope that somebody "out there" will understand what I am on about. I wrote about it a little in my post Diary of Anais Nin.
Love lots xx
29 Sep 2010, Laura, http://lifebeautylaughter.blogspot.com
Great post (as usual!)
Remember, a lot more than those 1,500 people see you every day - on the train, walking around town etc. And you probably reveal more to them with what you do, how you dress etc than you ever would on your blog.
At least blogging lets you decide what to reveal. You aren't going to be like that man picking his nose in his car at the lights - forgetting everyone can see you.
29 Sep 2010, kathryn, http://www.project-kathryn.com
I read somewhere to write like you're talking to your best friend after a couple of drinks (obviously not great advice for someone still in school, though). I thought that was a good way of putting it!
29 Sep 2010, Tara, http://gininateacup.com
What great advice.
29 Sep 2010, Zoya, http://macabrerose.soft-resonance.net
Great advice, I would only add that your blog is yours and that being said you should write for you.
29 Sep 2010, Zoya, http://macabrerose.soft-resonance.nrt
