Perhaps I’ve just listened to Kanye one too many times (sing it with me now! ”N-n-now that that don’t kill me… can only make me stronger”), but in my recent years, I’ve become ever-so-slightly besotted with scaring the absolute bejesus out of myself. SERIOUSLY! Is there anything more thrilling than identifying an activity that terrifies you (public speaking, accepting an invitation to a social event, reaching the last square of chocolate in a block… ha! I kid) and… deciding to conquer it anyway? It’s impossible not to feel incredible afterwards; after all, you’ve pushed your boundaries (woohoo!), you’ve completed a new life experience (WINNING!) and you’ve remembered that actually, you’re one darn adventurous, fun lass (or gentleman) who’s infinitely more courageous than they ever could have imagined. (And you are!)
With that in mind, to free myself from a funk, I’ve devised a series of to-do tasks to re-ignite my spark, to assist me in recalling that once upon a time, I was a dorky, free-spirited filly who jumped on planes to Nepal without a second thought, and definitely didn’t mope over less-than-lovely males. When was the last time that YOU frightened yourself? What act could you accomplish to dramatically (and deliciously) alter your life? Perhaps you could whip up your own list… let’s alarm ourselves (in a positive fashion!) and emerge braver, more confident and excited together!
Ah! Okay, so I’m aware that to 99% of the population, this ISN’T A BIG DEAL, but to me? I can practically feel goosebumps forming! Look, I’m going to be brutally honest: I have the attention span of a goldfish. I’m easily distracted (not at all conducive to safe driving!), and don’t even get me STARTED on how I’d react if I was cruising along and suddenly noticed that I was sharing my vehicle with a spider. (The horror!) But truthfully? There’s nothing sexy about relying on a man (as I always have) to get from point A to point B. Earning my own licence, and gaining independence and freedom behind the wheel? Now that’s superb!
Oh, Homer. We are TWINS! Everything about joining a gym encourages my skin to crawl: what if I… sweat?! What if I attempt to leap up on a treadmill and fall? What if everybody in the room points, laughs hysterically at my visible lack of exercise knowledge and… stares?! WORRY, WORRY, WORRY! Of course, on the other hand… what if i I thoroughly enjoy working out, meet new people and finally develop a comfortable relationship with my body?
So I’ve got a wee bit of a… fang. It’s not HUGELY noticeable and I still beam open-mouthed like a git in almost every photograph anyway (as evident above!), but it… bothers me. Sometimes I feel as though people notice it before they notice me, you know? It’s something that I’ve been meaning to tend to for years, but every single time I’ve summoned up the pennies necessary I’ve had a sudden rush of guilt and thought ”jeez, they’re just teeth! How could I be so vain?! There’s people out there who might not even have teeth, and I’m complaining because one of mine protrudes? What a selfish fool. GET OVER IT, Corrine!” … except I never do. I’ve booked a dental appointment for Monday morning and even though I’m still agonising over the cost of what I’ll need to have done, at what cost will it come to my self-esteem if I don’t? A colleague recently hugged me and whispered ”you need to learn to put yourself first, Corrine. Focus on you. Because until you do and love who you are, you won’t have the self-respect to be able to spot a partner who’s healthy - and who’s not - for you.” OOH… barracuda. Deep, huh?
Yikes! Even typing that is cringe-inducing! What can I say? I love people. Adore them. Friends, family, strangers… I’m smitten with them all! Nothing makes me grin wider than an excellent conversation and, simultaneously, nothing zaps my smile faster than being alone… which is probably a brilliant indicator that that’s exactly what I have to become comfortable with.
My teeth are chattering in anticipation already!
Ah sweety, you've certainly had a rollercoaster of a year!!
I got my L's this year, but i'm working on getting my P's. That is a big scary thing for me.
Oddly enough, I think I need to get used to OTHER peoples company, I'd been single for 2 years, and cut myself off from a lot of people, that now i'm back in a relationship, I'm finding it hard being around another person.
Sending you lots of love!
I loved reading this post. When I got dumped by the love of my life (or so I thought) a few months ago I did a similar thing. I thought of a couple of things that terrified the crap out of me, and just went for it. I chopped off my hair (yikes!) I started driving lessons (double yikes!) and I moved into my own flat. And so far, so good. Good on you for taking these brave leaps. I'm behind you all the way (and as a fellow fanged-beauty, I adore your smile, but if you want to change it, go for it!).